When Love Looks Like Pruning: A Christian Counseling Reflection on Growth & Healing

Recently, I was pruning the rose bushes alongside my house. Every year around mid-March, I approach this task with some uneasiness and a bit of apprehension. As I stare at the scraggly branches – honestly, they look kind of dead – I am always hesitant to make that first cut. Okay, here goes nothing.

Snip… I am always nervous that this will be the year that I mess it up, and I will actually kill the rose bushes. But I keep going.

Snip, snip, snip. After a lot of effort and quite a bit of time, I step back and take a long look at the work when it is done. The bushes look empty and bare. The shock hits me and I wonder, “Is it ever going to come back?”

And here’s the thing: that cutting back? It’s exactly what helps the rose bush bloom again – stronger, fuller, more beautifully than before.  

I think our lives can feel a lot like that sometimes. We all walk through seasons that feel like loss. We experience tension and struggles with our relationships: within ourselves, with others, and with God. It can feel like everything familiar is being stripped away.

And yet—what if those moments are actually preparation for something new, something more whole and life-giving?

The Purpose Behind the Pruning: Faith-Based Therapy for Emotional Healing

Pruning might look like taking away, but it’s actually about making space—for growth, for strength, for beauty.

In Christian counseling, I often meet with people in seasons that feel like something is being let go—something familiar, even if it wasn’t healthy. These seasons are full of quiet grief, brave decisions, and deep emotional work:

• Doing less of what you’ve always done in order to feel safe—like taking care of everyone else or shutting down emotionally—and suddenly not knowing who you are without it.
• Realizing your usual ways of connecting—like avoiding conflict or trying to keep the peace—don’t feel honest anymore.
• Feeling old emotions rise to the surface, raw and overwhelming.
• Experiencing spiritual doubt or feeling like God is distant.
• Navigating a shift in a relationship and grieving what it used to be.

These moments are tender – but they’re often the first signs of something new taking root: a more grounded identity, a deeper sense of connection, a more spacious faith.

Jesus talked about this in John 15:1-2:

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch… and prunes the ones that bear fruit so they will be even more fruitful.”

There’s purpose in the pain. And the Gardener is always intentional.

Christian Counseling and Identity: Letting Go of Who You Had to Be

Emotional healing begins when we realize the ways we’ve been coping—staying busy, staying quiet, staying in control—are no longer serving us.

In Christian therapy, we begin to gently notice what’s underneath: emotions we’ve been avoiding, beliefs we’ve been carrying, and stories we’ve told ourselves about who we have to be to stay loved, safe, or accepted.

Maybe it once felt safer to shut down than speak up, or perhaps you learned that your value came from how much you do for others.

But how we see ourselves shapes how we relate to others. If we believe we’re not enough, we may overextend in relationships. If we fear being a burden, we might stay quiet. These patterns often stem from the beliefs we hold about our worth.

That’s why part of healing is learning to see ourselves through God’s eyes – not through shame, but through truth and grace. You are not defined by performance or pain, but by who you are in Christ: chosen, seen, loved, and made new.

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind…” — Romans 12:2

Letting go of who you had to be can feel scary. But it can also be the beginning of remembering who you’ve always been—God’s beloved, made for connection.

Healing Relationships Through Christian Therapy: When Connections Begin to Shift

Relationships are one of the primary places we feel the effects of pruning. Growth might mean speaking up instead of staying silent, setting boundaries instead of overextending, or simply showing up more authentically. It takes courage to navigate these shifts, especially when the change feels uncomfortable or unfamiliar.

In counseling, we explore what healthy connection looks like – and how to build it without losing yourself. It’s about moving beyond habits of fear, people-pleasing, or emotional withdrawal to find deeper intimacy and mutual respect. This process can feel like loss, especially when old ways of connecting no longer work. But in time, it’s actually preparing the ground for relationships that reflect your true self—the one that isn’t hidden behind shame or fear.

“…speaking the truth in love…” — Ephesians 4:15

Letting go of what no longer serves you allows room for relationships rooted in authenticity, vulnerability, and love. As God transforms us inwardly, those changes naturally flow into the connections we have with others.

When God Feels Distant: A Faith-Based Counseling Perspective

Even our relationship with God can feel like it’s being pruned. In some seasons, He feels distant, quiet, or even unfamiliar. There are times when faith shifts, when familiar ways of praying or believing no longer feel like they fit. There are also times filled with questions, uncertainty, and maybe even doubt.

These moments can feel unsettling, especially when you’ve built your life around faith. But what if this quietness isn’t absence, but invitation? What if God is gently pruning your faith—removing what’s no longer life-giving—to make room for something deeper?

In faith-based therapy, we often hold space for these spiritual shifts. You don’t have to have the answers. Sometimes, just naming your grief, doubt, or spiritual questions out loud is a sacred act of trust.

“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace…” — Hebrews 12:11

Even in the silence, God is near. And often, the quiet places are where your spiritual roots grow deepest.

The Bloom Comes Later: Trusting God’s Timing in Emotional and Spiritual Growth

And here’s the hope: the rose bush does bloom again. Fuller. Brighter. Stronger. What looked bare for a season becomes something beautiful in time.

The same is true in our lives and in our relationships. The places that feel empty now—the places where you feel stripped down, uncertain, or in the middle of deep change—may be the exact places where God is quietly preparing something new. Sometimes, we don’t see the fruit of the pruning right away. Healing begins underground, long before anything visible starts to change.

In therapy, we often talk about trusting the process—holding space for what’s still becoming. Growth doesn’t always come with clarity or quick results. But the slow, sacred work beneath the surface is no less real. And over time, new life breaks through.

“…to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes…” — Isaiah 61:3

If you’re in a season of waiting, take heart. Just because you don’t see the bloom yet doesn’t mean it isn’t coming. The Gardener is still at work.

A Gentle Invitation

So let me ask:

• Where might you be in a pruning season right now?
• What old ways of relating, reacting, or believing might God be inviting you to release?
• What if the discomfort you feel is actually part of something beautiful unfolding?

If you are in a season like this, you don’t have to navigate it alone.

At Soulfully Connected Counseling, we walk with people through the pruning and blooming. Whether you’re working through emotions, rebuilding relationships, or reshaping your sense of self or faith – we’re here to help you feel seen, supported, and grounded in truth and grace.

We’d be honored to walk with you. Reach out when you’re ready. The bloom is coming. 

“Behold, I am doing a new thing…do you not perceive it?” – Isaiah 43:19