Pass the Baby… I Mean Gravy
A Counselor-Mom’s Guide to Postpartum Anxiety, Motherhood Boundaries, and Staying Present During the Holidays
The holiday season has a magical way of bringing out two very different versions of us:
The sentimental mom who wants to soak up every cozy moment with her little ones, and
The panicked mom internally screaming because someone is holding her baby while coughing, the house isn’t child-proofed, and Aunt Linda’s antique glass figurines are one toddler-tackle away from becoming dust.
If you’re a new mom reading this and nodding along, you are not alone. Many women experience heightened postpartum anxiety, emotional overwhelm, and a deep sense of uncertainty during family gatherings — especially during the holidays.
I remember bringing my first baby to family gatherings and feeling ALL the feelings. Joy. Gratitude. Panic. A completely irrational need to sanitize everyone’s hands, faces, and possibly their souls. I worried about germs, over-stimulation, nap schedules, and my personal favorite, the fear of being judged as “too much” for setting boundaries.
Fast forward a few years, and now I am the mom guiding two wild little wrecking balls through beautifully decorated, very breakable houses while whisper-praying, “Please do not touch that,” every few minutes. The difference now is that I give myself far more compassion and far less pressure. I use the coping skills I teach my clients, pause when I need to, and remind myself that there is only so much I can control.
The holidays are still full of love, laughter, and a unique flavor of mom-stress — but now I meet it with a softer heart and much more grace.
So let’s talk about the real emotional challenges beneath all of this: uncertainty and boundary-setting. Two things nearly every mom — especially those navigating perinatal mental health challenges — experiences.
What Boundaries Really Mean for New Moms
Boundaries for moms are not cold or controlling. They are a gentle guide that protects your emotional well-being and your baby’s needs. Healthy boundaries support both maternal mental health and secure attachment.
Boundaries help you stay grounded when everyone around you has opinions, traditions, or expectations that do not always match your comfort level.
They create emotional space for you to remain connected to your baby and yourself, even when others mean well but unintentionally overwhelm you.
A boundary might sound like:
“We’re keeping baby close today so he doesn’t get overwhelmed.”
“We’ll join for a bit, but we’re taking breaks when needed.”
It can also sound like:
“I’m not handing the baby to anyone else right now.”
And yes — you are still a loving, thoughtful person when you say it.
Healthy people respect boundaries. Those who struggle with them may feel uncomfortable, but that discomfort is not your responsibility.
The truth is this: boundaries help you enjoy the holiday instead of just surviving it. When your nervous system feels safe, you can actually laugh, enjoy your food, and stay present with your baby. Without boundaries, you remain in a constant state of alertness — a key sign of postpartum stress and emotional burnout.
When Uncertainty Triggers Anxiety in Motherhood
One of the greatest struggles for new moms is learning to differentiate uncertainty from true danger. The postpartum brain is wired for protection. This is natural, but it can lead to hypervigilance and emotional exhaustion.
This often shows up as thoughts like:
“What if something bad happens?”
“What if I’m not doing this right?”
“What if people judge me?”
Holiday environments heighten this experience:
New locations, unfamiliar relatives, loud noise, disrupted routines, and unsolicited advice can send your nervous system into overdrive.
Here’s the important reminder:
Discomfort does not always mean danger.
Many mothers experiencing postpartum anxiety or depression feel overwhelmed in moments that are actually safe — just unfamiliar. Healing involves gently retraining your nervous system to recognize safety again.
Coping Skills for Overwhelmed Moms During the Holidays
If you’re a mom struggling with emotional overwhelm, here are practical tools that can support your mental and emotional wellness:
Grounding Breathing
Inhale for 4 seconds
Exhale for 6 seconds
A longer exhale helps the body feel safe.
Box Breathing
Inhale 4 seconds
Hold 4
Exhale 4
Hold 4
Five Senses Grounding
Notice:
The warmth of your mug
The smell of food
Soft holiday music
The feel of your clothing
Colors in the room
These techniques help you body slow down and feel grounded again, shifting your brain from fear-based thinking to present-moment awareness — an essential practice for emotional regulation in motherhood.
Caring for Your Mental Health as a New Mom
You are allowed to step away.
You are allowed to take breaks.
You are allowed to breathe.
Stepping outside, sitting in your car, or feeding your baby in a quiet room is not weakness — it is self-care for moms and an act of emotional responsibility.
Ask yourself:
What matters most in this moment?
Connection? Safety? Peace?
When you act from your values, even difficult moments feel more manageable and grounded.
A Gentle Reminder
The holiday season is beautiful, messy, joyful, chaotic, and sacred all at once.
Your feelings are valid.
Your instincts matter.
Your boundaries are allowed.
Whether you pass the baby or keep them close like the sweetest little holiday accessory, what matters most is that you feel grounded, emotionally safe, and supported.
So yes — pass the gravy.
But the baby?
Only if you say so.
And if this season feels heavier than you expected, know that additional support is available. You deserve care, steadiness, and space to breathe as you navigate the beauty and complexity of motherhood.